After hours

I have been working late quite a lot lately. This means that in order to get home in time to cook tea, I need to whiz by a particular supermarket on a particular council estate on my way home (it's best not to name either the supermarket OR the council estate for fear of retribution). I have to do all this in record time. I cannot pass go. I cannot dawdle. I must know what I want and remove it swiftly form the shelves and into my basket and pay the nice lady on the till.

This particular evening (not overuse of word 'particular') I am cycling home on the work's Brompton (yes we have an office bike - all the jokes have been done, beleive me). The Brompton stands out somewhat in this neighborhood. Imagine a hog roast at a Bar Mitzvah and you have some idea. I leave the supermarket and head to the Brompton.

"Is that one of them folding bikes?" a man asks, both him and his Staffordshire Bull Terrier trying to make eye contact. "Yes it is," I reply, eyes firmly engaged on Kryptonite bike lock.

"Are you trying to get fit?" He asks.

"Something like that." I reply, with a lighten the mood girly laugh.

"Why - has someone told you that you're fat?".

I have one leg over the office bike. "No." (again a lighten the mood smile).

Staffie owner suddenly looks mad. "Have they?" he growls. "Has someone told you you are fat?". He looks very angry. He looks like he wants to defend me against the person that's called me fat, except no-one's called me fat and he doesn't even know me anyway.

I reassure this complete stranger nutjob that no-one has told me I'm fat, and scoot away on the Brompton. "Becuase you're not, you know!!" he shouts after me. I am relieved, not by nutjob's 'not fat' claim, but by the fact the Brompton and I have escaped. I ride home out of the council estate, through middle class suburbia,and out of the other side blending in as best someone who now feels slightly chubby and is on a very small bike can.

On the way I listen to 'After hours' by We are Scientists. It is 'After hours' and I'm late home again, but at least I've got a funny story to tell when I get there...